Homecoming

November 12, 2013 § 1 Comment

whatnakedI must confess my absence wasn’t out of complete laziness. I was writing a book. A whole freaking book! Let me tell you something about writing a book… you think you’re all prolific and brilliant until you have to read the same 61,000 words EIGHT times to make sure you’re getting your point across in the most prolific, poetic, and entertaining way possible. No one wants to read a book eight times in eight months, no matter how funny it is or how much sex is in it.

That’s about how long it took me, eight months. That’s averaging a draft a month! I’m really kind of shocked at myself. I hope to continue to shock myself by getting it published. Leaving no stone unturned, email me if you know any literary agents.

Anyway, this feels like a what-I-did-on-summer-vacation type deal. Well… let’s see… my house was broken into while I was home, I entertained a job offer in Dubai, I went to Vegas twice for different bachelorette parties, I attended five weddings, spent one week with extended family (so much family), and I did a lot of yoga. Oh and I started juicing… I’m officially Californian that way.

I was going to come back with a new blog, but I’m still a bachelorette and frankly, this lack in refinement is out of complete laziness. After all, I have a book to beg to get published! My plan is to post on Tuesdays, I’m hoping you’ll read. I promise to be more exciting than this snoozer. I will tell you all about all the stuff up there… you let me know what you want to hear about first.

I also can’t believe some of you were looking forward to my return. When I woke up the ol’ FB page yesterday, I was shocked. There were 2 likes. I guess people really have nothing to do. Sarcasm font, friends, sarcasm font.

btw… today is 11,12,13… how cool is that? It’s like Ryan Gosling in a banana hammock cool. Google glasses ordering a chocolate milkshake, cool. Free trip to outer space, cool. Lifetime supply of cabernet, cool. Literally, so cool.

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