Vibrators: fresh batteries are the key.

August 19, 2010 § Leave a comment

Last weekend I relished in my independence. How wonderful the absence of boy drama can be, how simplistic. But while thinking about what else was omitted when I disposed of my boyfriend and watching Legends of the Fall, I got horny.

The one thing that blows about being single is giving up your Get Laid Anytime card. I’m not really into slutting it up at the bar, climaxing in a drunken fog with a random isn’t what I call satisfaction. As a table for one, you have to face this desire head on, repression will only make you crave chocolate and cheese puffs. Replacing your orgasm with food is not only unhealthy, I promise you, it’s much less fun. Go for the gold and choose your weapon: a booty call or a vibrator. Either wand, there isn’t much difference.

Booty calls are tricky and technically fall into the boyfriend category; with the added gem of knowing he’s probably sleeping with several other women. Plus, sometimes his phone is off. That’s why I play it safe and go for the sure thing. Lay down, reach over, pure pulsating bliss.

The vibrator has evolved over the past 100+ years and has since been embraced by women worldwide. The humble beginning of the electric massager was under the guise of a cure for medical ailments rather than being advertised as a straight-up pleasure rod. But this was a great start to revolutionize the idea that females also have a need for sex. Maybe they did have it right, horniness and sexual repression seems like a sickness to me.

The one draw back to the vibrator is that you only seem to cum once, while the real thing, especially if he’s concentrating, can give you a couple residual wows. With the vibrator, I just don’t want to put in the effort for round two. Nonetheless, I am satisfied and thankful that I don’t have to deal with the awkward, “was it good for you,” the “that isn’t even close to the area you should be in”, or the argument about who sleeps in the wet spot.

I’m not saying that the vibrator could ever completely replace great, passionate, sweaty, give-it-to-me-big-boy sex, but I hear they are working on it. Also, change the batteries regularly. Makes a world of difference. I had to take a nap after.

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