The Break-up Diet

August 26, 2010 § Leave a comment

It’s part of the cycle: Start dating Mr. Wrong, start eating caveman sized portions, forgo time at the gym for time with him, get on birth control, eat emotionally because he sucks, become a heinous, fat bitch, get dumped, get depressed, Facebook stalk him, loose your appetite, cry for help in status updates, go off the hormones, lose 20 pounds, tag great photos of yourself, find another boy toy and begin again. I realized this varies from woman to woman, and if you find one of those “keepers” you might not suffer from these symptoms.

So you got dumped. Along with breadbasket of emotional woes that attribute to a decrease in appetite, you now have more time on your hands and fervor for vengeance. Somewhere between I-want-you-back and I-want-to-stick-your-dick-in-the-toaster-oven is the best place to start working out.  Dust off the running shoes, breakout the yoga pants, or better yet, buy a month unlimited kickboxing package and imagine that you are pummeling his face into next Tuesday. And lucky you, beach season is around the corner.

Since before cell phones, single gals in their late teens and early 20s have abided by a formula and established, along with Barbie and marketing, that being fat and pale does not yield male attraction. I think now they teach that in high school right before senior spring break, or maybe it’s a part of the Greek System’s initiation process. Either way, tanorexic or anorexic, we all know what gets attention. After a few weeks at the gym and a wonder bra, you’ll be selecting a new piece of arm candy and wondering why you dated that douche bag to begin with. Especially after you realize the selection that’s out there now.

Even if you aren’t over your ex, your revenge by sex appeal won’t be ignored. He’s been tagged on Facebook with several new floosies? Upload bikini pics immediately. And, Yes, make it my profile picture.

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