Polar Bear: Endangered Species

February 16, 2011 § 1 Comment

I really didn’t want to mix business with pleasure, but the tall musician I had dubbed the Polar Bear, is an excellent collaborator. After that he started to get distant, I thought it was because Valentines Day was approaching, that usually freaks out boytoys of under 3 months.

I had some cocktails with him and his friends right after we launched our business relationship. After he became drunk that night, I took the opportunity to get my Sherlock on. I questioned his friends, and learned that he’s a long standing member of that bachelor club who doesn’t really know how to deal with girls, how to take a relationship to the next level, or how to ask for directions. Well that’s easy, I’ll just take it upon myself guide him further into my controlling grasp, I mean, loving embrace. I’ve dealt with fixer-upers before, problem solved.

A about week goes by and I haven’t seen or heard from him. This is the part where I get all ‘stupid girl’ and become increasingly insecure for no good reason. Of course, I left my cell charger in his car the last time I saw him. And of course I needed to get him to sign something for work. These are my excuses for instigating my inner stalker.

After not talking to him for a couple of days, I put a feeler out and say “hey I need this invoice from you, but what I am really wondering is when can I see you again unprofessionally?” Too desperate and to no avail. So I pry deeper, I invited him and his entire band to a rock show. I can get them all on the list, thinking it would be a nice little field trip. He turns me down! He doesn’t even show up to that cover band show I was hoping to run into him at last week. To make myself feel better I resolve to think that was because my ex was also there and no one really likes him. I proceed to put feelers (and by feelers I mean anything text) out for his weekend plans, no feedback. I don’t push it because I know that V-Day is high pressure. I offer basketball tickets instead. I know he’s a die-hard fan. Oh he’s bus-y. wtf? So I let it lie, no contact at all. I shouldn’t feel like I’m pursuing myself, right? But the invoice and the phone charger! I must get to the bottom of this.

Anyway, stupid girl goes further down the rabbit hole… I was driving home after a few glasses of wine on Saturday, 2am. What do I do? Drive by. Yup, I go and drive by his house. I tell myself if he is out on the patio, I’ll stop by. Drive by, no one on the patio. Lights are on, though. I circle the block looking for his car. I don’t see it. What did I think was going to happen? WHO DOES THIS?! I am appalled at myself.

So now I’m at full-blown obsession. I don’t want to contact him because I don’t want to appear clingy, even though I’ve probably already accomplished that. But he has my phone charger and he needs to sign this invoice (commence whiney tone). I’m beginning to really like him only because I can’t have him. He was just supposed to be my Polar Bear only until the first signs of spring. Does anyone know if the groundhog even woke up that day? It’s my hope that he’s having his own a stupid boy moment and needing to step back to process this goddess he has before him. Again, stupid girl over thinks.

Here I am confused, obsessing needlessly and wanting to feel reassured. Oh and don’t worry, I’ve been listening to his band… on repeat. He’s got a really sexy voice, or at least that’s another one of my excuses. I also keep fantasizing about that one Sunday morning when he brought me pancakes in bed and we watched football as he played the guitar. Or was that a dream? I can’t tell anymore.


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