Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

March 23, 2011 § 1 Comment

You thought I was joking, but I went in to see the ginger-haired bartender with the trifecta of the charming man on St. Paddy’s day. And even though there were shamrocked floosies all abound, he remembered me. I found out the exact days he worked just in case future stalking was necessary, but he said he would call. And he did. Well, he texted. He did only wait a day and a half, so I’ll give him credit for not bombing me with an instant text or making me stew in my insecurity. We tried to coordinate a first date-ish thing, but for one reason or another our schedules didn’t match up.

My neighbor says when a bartender “works a double” it’s an excuse. I told him that Irish eyes don’t tell lies and gave the ginger the benefit of the doubt. Then I did some facebook stalking. He doesn’t have one of those Tom Dick or Harry names so it was easy to find him. To my shock: in a relationship. What the what?! People have their reasons… okay, okay, I’m making excuses because he’s just that cute. I’m going to not let it get in my way. I wouldn’t be pursued if he didn’t want to pursue, so I’ll let him “work a double” and break up with the poor girl.

There has to be some etiquette on these things. We all saw Social Network, we all agree Zukerberg is brilliant. To his complement, we are now all wearing signs that say: gay, straight, or taken. However, relationships are some of the messiest things I’ve ever been a part of, something that ol’ Mark didn’t have experience in when he established the relationship status. One minute it’s love forever and ever, the next it’s rocky, then it’s over, after that it will never happen again, and three months later you’re doing a drive by at 2am on a Tuesday. Making it official on facebook has now become a “big step” in a relationship. It comes after “I love you” but before you move in together. Right about the time you say, “Should I give you a key?” is same time you’re updating your settings. We’ve all seen that little heart in the news feed, everyone comments with gawks and awes. You’re getting really serious about this dude. Months later it’s a broken heart, more comments, snickers, I told you so’s. If you really didn’t think this relationship was going to last, you wouldn’t have changed the status to begin with.

I’ve gotten into an argument with a bf over why I didn’t announce to my social network we were seeing each other. I just don’t think I need to invite my digital circle into my personal life. I lost the battle and soon enough, it was the mouse click of doom. The people that really know me will defiantly know when I’m taken. I won’t be able to stop talking about him. They will want to shove dirty socks in my mouth just so they don’t have to hear about the status of my relationship. And when it is over, they will be the ones who will send me inspirational emails or a wall post of love, a love post.

When it’s really a break up, how long to you wait to change it to single? Out of respect for the other person, do you divide how long you were dating by your birthday and subtract seven then add two days? You aren’t actually speaking but rather tediously waiting to wake up one morning and log in to see that your ex has sufficiently moved on.

I rather not declare anything at all. For one, if you’re aloof there is better gossip for everyone. For another, should we really be defining something so transient (marriage aside)? Now it’s definitive on the internet, but does that really mean anything? The ginger haired bartender could be a wonderful, respectful gentleman who’s just waiting it out to give his former lady friend time to find closure on her own. I respect that. If she’s taking too long, well, maybe that’s the reason why it ended.

Yesterday I was looking him up, not to check his relationship status (partly a lie), but to see his wonderful smile (complete truth). He is now neither single, nor in a relationship, and it wasn’t complicated either. He was just another person out there walking about on the digital street. I guess I’m just going to have to go out with him to find out the full story. Gasp! I’m going to have to get to know him, the old fashioned way. How 2002 of me.

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