A Classy Tattoo

July 29, 2011 § Leave a comment


On the Market

July 27, 2011 § Leave a comment

You know I love my girls! Here’s what happening with Betty in the Limelight

Dear readers, I am newly single having pulled the trigger on my relationship with the Sicilian Silver Fox.  As much as I love him, he’s got one too many problems to have a future.  I’m not one to make a mountain out of a molehill so I’ll take the new single status in stride.  I realize that from age 20 to 27 I have been in two long-term relationships, I am guilty of serial monogamy.  With that in mind I have decided that this time around I am going to learn to be single while still in my twenties.

At first I felt like I was in one of those anxiety dreams when you show up to work naked but that may be because a male co-worker actually called me “fresh meat”.  The dating experiment that I plan on chronicling is allowing my friends to play matchmaker.  If I can trust my friends to give me advice on everything from shoes to a gynecologist, why not trust their taste in who I should date?  While my gal pals are going through their iPhones trying to find whom they think would suit me, my fabulous queen of a colleague picked out one of the hot guys we work with as his choice of suitor.  Now I am not one to ever dip my proverbial pen in the company ink but going with my experiment of friends playing matchmaker I couldn’t refuse.

The Kentucky Stud, as we shall call him, is all sorts of manly hotness, a blue eyed, brown haired Raylan Givens type straight out of FX’s “Justified”.  To complete the package, he rides a motorcycle.  Now after my soft and cuddly Sicilian Silver Fox a 28 year old with washboard abs is almost too much to handle.  According to my boy-pal he’s been ogling me as a star-crossed lover for the last four years.  Needless to say, having missed out on the last time I was single while we worked together he went hook, line and sinker when he found out I was on the market.

We set up a day date for an art exhibit, fairly safe in my mind but with the added exhilaration of riding on the back of his motorcycle.  What I found beyond his googley-eyed admiration of me was a deep shyness, intelligent mind and more googely-eyed admirtation.  Certainly there is a physical attraction, he’s very handsome, but he lacks in the quick-witted conversation that truly turns me on.  The brain is the biggest erogenous zone and his shy personality keeps him from making the quips that would keep me laughing.  The Kentucky Stud did work up the courage to kiss me at the end of our date and although I found it shocking to kiss someone new, it was very nice, earnest and with lots of passionate tenderness on his side.

I am a lady that is truly attracted to personality so I have agreed to a second date with the Kentucky Stud with the hopes that nighttime and liberal libations will loosen him up enough to overcome his sweet Southern shyness.  Bourbon might magically turn him into a comedian, if not, there will be no third date.  Washboard abs will get pretty boring if he isn’t tickling my funny bone.

Still a Bachelorette

July 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

I declare! I am still a bachelorette! We are not living together, we are not picking out china, we don’t have a dog. We are just honeymooning, can’t keep our hands off each other, still denying overwhelming feelings even though it’s obvious. Ugh, I’m blushing, I can’t stop blushing.

I like him more than just a little bit, but I am not going to put any eggs in his basket just yet. Although, I did get Michigan State drunk when we went out to celebrate my new job, and said some horrifying things about his acting career. I felt disgusting about it, but he was still there in the morning, still treating me like a princess. So I made him a big dinner in the hopes that it would make up for my mouth.

Now I’ll get to the good part. My god, ladies, I don’t know what has been wrong with the men that I have slept with in the past, or if you have to pass some sort of Woman Pleasuring class in order to get a High School Diploma in Vegas, but this man certainly rings my bell. I don’t mean to rub it in, but holy shit, I have been sexually awakened in a whole new way, or maybe the chemistry between us is that good. Or maybe Mr. Red should write a book, or sell some sort of how-to video. More men should know how to handle a woman like that. Starting really not to care how retarded we look on paper and he does do an amazing Kermit the Frog impression which earns him some real estate in my heart.

So really, even though he’s starting some serious negotiations for my hand… I am still a single lady on my tax form. However, I know when to hang onto a good lay.

Summer Boozing PSA

July 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

Wedding Season, 4th of July, BBQs, We all need a little reminder sometimes:


July 20, 2011 § 1 Comment

Distracted by one cute Ginger-Haired Bartender. Oops.

Ew, I’m so gross, but I’ll admit it, I’m pretty smitten, emotionally surrendering to senseless romantic acts. You know me: I gag at that stuff, roll my eyes, affectedly grunt, mime self induced vomiting etc. Yet, I’ve received flowers a couple of times in the past weeks (and apologized for the awful face I made upon receiving them). I have held my tongue when the car door is opened or a chair pulled out, and taken complements with grace instead of cynicism as best I can. Huge steps, I think I’m growing up.

Staying up for hours talking reminds me of being in High School, in puppy love with little Beau Winder from next door or dinner with my nana (she’s got the gift of the gab). However, this sexual chemistry is not something I have ever experienced, most certainly not at 17 with little Beau Winder or my grandmother (yeah I went there). Mr. Red is very adult fun, almost acrobatic and we instantly connected. Let’s face it, sex takes practice to get really good. Based on the first few times, I think that makes us two professionals furthering our education.

It’s been a while, months even, I dare to admit. Something that started out as purely physical has developed into something entirely different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I think it’s feelings. I won’t deny it, but I can’t confirm it. I’m not one to let myself get carried away on heated promises between the sheets.

Of course he looks horrible on paper. Full time bartender, part-time actor, and like all 20-somethings, seemingly directionless. Although he’s coincidentally, born exactly 48 hours before me and I equate myself to the same position: a wanna be writer working in reality TV. The only difference is the people I get drunk are on prime time. The resume continues, get this, he’s from VEGAS (who’s from Vegas?!). I imagine he was raised by a heard of hookers, bred to be a sensitive good listener at a price. However, my fantasies of meeting my future tranny-in-law were crushed when we  discovered our parents both met at the same Big Ten school. For all we know, they bonged beers together. All these creepy coincidences making me think the stars might actually be aligned except this the last bullet point. Wah wahhh, he’s fresh out of a long term relationship (which has me looking at the mirror screaming, YOU’RE A REBOUND).

I did thoroughly go over his application when we met, so I knew all of this. Like I said, it started out with purely physical, sweet summer boyfriend intentions. I’m incredibly guarded with my heart since I have been in several train wrecks derailed by love. I’ve made it clear that I’m looking for nothing long term, and he concurs.  He says he’s in no position to jump into anything.  Instead of my natural intention to stab my eyes when showered with romance, all this sweet sentiment has got me ignoring the expiration date and thinking I’ll just reassess when my tan has faded. After all, the day we met was electric and has accelerated since I got back from Alabama.

And yeah, yeah, everyone says it happens when you’re not looking… blah blah blah. But I’m just being realistic and enjoying getting to know an attractive Irish boy, who can keep up with my vocabulary, make me laugh, and is completely enamored with me, completely. This boy really has it for me for some reason and it’s not because I put out.

We are both clearly serial monogamists which has to be healthier than slutting around like the town bicycle. I guess I can say my love life is on the up and up, even though I’m almost positive it’s not going to last.

I’m Back, Bitches!

July 18, 2011 § Leave a comment

Okay, Let me explain myself. I was working out of town non-stop, then I celebrated the nuptials of one wonderful woman and my dearest friend: A modern love story. It was the anti-wedding wedding. My kind of event. The bride and groom couldn’t have been more low key or relaxed. They were just happy to be together, to be getting married. It’s a fantastic story really. You see, he had moved for a job a few months back and they were doing the long distance thing , the cross country long distance thing (texting, emails, ichat, skype). Moving to another state is no walk in the park for anyone, but they have each other. Divide and concur! So she sold the house while finished up her masters and being a real-life lifesaver as a nurse while he got the new nest ready for her arrival. Talk about superheros. By the time they were surrounded by their family and friends and finally, finally together after weeks apart, all that mattered was getting married. The year of planning, flowers, dresses, table settings became obsolete when they were standing next to each other professing their love. The small details don’t seem important when all you want to do is be with the person you love. Even a cranky flower girl couldn’t ruin this. Because of this infectious love they have for one another, it was truly one of the best times I’ve ever had. I couldn’t be more proud to have been there standing with her during that moment. And by the way… all the little details were perfect, down to the groomsmen’s hair.

So along five weeks away with some good ol’ Southern hospitality, I return from the hiatus a little softer, I suppose. I find myself questioning before I do something, “would they do that in Alabama?” Not to mention riding the high of the Welcome Home Romp with Mister Red. Yea, feeling pretty darn good about life. YeeHaw!

Where Am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for July, 2011 at The Internet Bachelorette.