Goldilocks and the Three Macs

August 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

I am going to straight up geek-out, and there is nothing you can do about my nerdom. Before you judge just remember, those boys with the comicon hangover would think I was adorkable. Pushes glasses up with a snort. Whatever, I’m a Mac. A loyal user since 2004, even though I went to a tutor twice a week for an entire semester to learn how to use the alternative interface. After I was taught how fun the bouncy icons were it was just easier and far better for my image not to go back. Now, I’m like an elephant on a PC. Two buttons on the mouse, right click – what? Trained imonkey.

I kept the iphone at arms length for as long as I could. My phone by comparison is pretty dumb. So I got fed up and went on to experience what everyone is raving about. At least I made it to the 4th generation. 2 human generations ago there wasn’t even color TV, so I’m thinking the phone better make me coffee before I hit snooze for the third time and deliver it to my lips before I hit it the fourth. That’s real progression. Sadly, there isn’t an app for that, but I am trying to sync it up with my Keureg.

As with any new device there’s a learning curve. Literally no tangible buttons on this thing, which really bent my logic and the predictatext isn’t always reading my mind like it should. There I am, just another user buried in a screen, bumping into people at crosswalks, finishing texts at traffic lights, not talking to the person I went to lunch with. icontact.

iprettymuchloveit. It really does everything except for that coffee thing. It has the capability to balance my checkbook if only I had a seeing-eye dog to tell me where the decimal point is. The thing is so damn dinky, I’ve given up on even reading my daily horoscope or emails longer than 5 words. I regress back to my cavewoman ways, carrying around the whole 15 inches of my laptop constantly on the search for wifi.

My computer has been my right hand lady for 4 years. I just upgraded her and she’s running smoothly in her old age, a great-great-grandmother to my spunky new phone, my notebook and pen their ancestor. Scratch that, I’m carrying around at least 4 college ruled grannys of varying sizes along with my computer that has a full keyboard and my phone that does pretty much everything the pen, paper and computer can do combined, but I can hardly even see it.

So I do what any gen-Yer would do. I buy an ipad. I tell myself, “I’m going green.” It really is just an oversized iphone but that’s where the magic lies. Size matters. I’m a medium sized person, I need a medium sized device. I named him Henry and I love to touch him. I’ve synced him with just about everything I can think of except my menstruation cycle, but that’s only a matter of time.

I love mypad. It’s all my notebooks in one. It’s every list I could ever need all in the same place with Google to boot. It has a great relationship with my phone too. I think I hear wedding bells. Anything Henry knows my iphone knows, they finish each other’s sentences all the time. You’d think it was annoying, but it’s actually kinda cute, and deep down I hate them for it.

It is funny though, for the longest time the race was to create a device that could do it all, and now I have three of them, all in different sizes. I’ve astonished myself with my Macintosh gluttony (I even got appleTV when purchasing the ipad, but that story is for another post). However, productivity is at an all time high and I was able to fit in a little facebook stalking while I read the first 10 pages of a new book on the shitter. Athough I’m still rolling with the MacBook, it’s my security blanket. At any given moment I can be found with my technology spread eagle: small, medium, large. I bet I could ground a pretty good-sized aircraft with this set up… iland.

I’m going to leave you with this last thought… I actually saw a co-worker use this gesture the other day, and it made me think about our own evolution beyond words. To write a letter, you mime holding a pen. To send an email, you use both hands and pretend to type. To look up something, you now, thanks to itouch technology, mimic swiping your finger. But to roll down the window of a car you still do the same thing they’ve been doing since they were playing grab ass in the 70s. And the teenagers are still listening to loud music, dressing like fools, and giving their parents lame excuses. No matter how progressive, we will always find our parents embarrassing. There is no app for that.


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