‘Like’ the damn Post

December 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

There is a lot for you to read out there on the internet abyss. Tons of words, so many topics, videos, funny cats, so little time. We live in an era where “trending” is super important. Through this “trending” became “youtube artists,” and the “twitter authors” which subsequently evolved as acceptable occupations. Somewhere, people with money sign contracts with “trends” and all of a sudden a schmooley getting a million hits because his kid was drugged up after a bad trip to the dentist gets a fat check. This is also how a hippie on acid sees famous double rainbows and careers like Justin Beiber’s are made. That haircut is just as bad as the ‘rachel’. Not sure if the world needed it.

In a class by itself is the Twitter. I don’t get Twitter. Flat out, don’t understand. Sure my twitter is linked to my facebook (because facebook is the new telephone book, remember those bricks of yellow pages). But if I really tried to log into my twitter account, I couldn’t. I’ve forgotten my password, that’s how often I twat. I try to tell myself, “it’s okay, I’m a leader not a follower.”

I do really like the hashtag thing, but it might be a lazy way to tell a joke. It’s giving you the punchline without the clever quip. #snoring, #assholes, #penis enlarger. Maybe I don’t get point. Perhaps I’ll just use it anyway without ever getting it, like the rest of the people on twitter.

Alright, but here’s my real gripe, are these “trending” viral #videos, #blogs, #tweets, and #vlogs really trendsetters? Can this content really evolve, or should somethings be left untouched? I’m going to say it, I think most of these viral trendy trendsetters are nothing but one hit youtube wonders. I work in “the industry” (of entertainment), and lately they’ve been handing out TV shows and book deals to everything with over a million #hits, #followers, #likes. We all know what happened to Sh*t My Dad Says.  18 episodes and they were being generous because Shatner is a legend. I can’t quite get on board with White Girl Problems, but happen to know there’s a movie or TV show deal that came with the book. I read the first chapter and I just didn’t know if I could go on like that.  Youtube sensation Jenna Marbles has got a ton of people trying to monetize her “comedy” but we all really just loved her more when she was a broke girl trying to pay off her masters degree by go-go dancing. The turtle backpack and the f-bombs only go so far. I’m still pulling for her though, I think she’s better than youtube.

The best example I have has to do with #sushi, but it’s not about fish. When I was starting this blog, finding my voice, and diligently creating thoughts and essays about what it’s like to be an #intelligent #20-something #female who’s goals are a little loftier than getting engaged to a doctor and being handed a credit card, all while retaining the fact that I paint my toenails regularly and would die if my ass ever looked like a pancake. I wanted a place where it was okay to say that you liked sex and laughed at farts, but you could still be inspired. So I started searching for other blogs.

First of all, no one really reads anymore. We should all read more, for the sake of our attention spans alone. Anyway, I came across this blog Sushi For My Girls. Or maybe it was Sushi With My Girls. Either way it was like a five car pile up, I couldn’t tear myself away. It was highly offensive elitist must-wear-pearls, be-named-Ali, breathe-sushi, marry-a-lawyer, live-in-NYC crap, but they had #t-shirts. They were selling Sex in the City if it had 3 too many vodka tonics and did a line of coke for “funsies” that you could wear. The writing was awful, but people were #liking and #following all over the place.

Sushi With My Girls only averaged 1 post per month and stopped after 4, but they twitted about 20 tweets per day of idiotic ramblings. These members of society keep people like that plastic bimbo from The Hills and her BF in a EEE cup size. Why would you follow them on twitter? Somehow this fish loving fool got a TV deal less than one year after they launched. #Trending whatever, that’s all Hollywood is paying attention to now. And the people like me are just trying, hoping, praying to go viral so some one somewhere might say, “Hey, this girl can write, let’s give her a job.”

Last week a post about “what girls do on facebook” went viral. The blog it was posted on is primarily about the author’s struggle with fibromylagia. To which a friend of her’s commented, “Write about a crippling illness, no one gives a shit. Write about Facebook, the world explodes.” Dude, we have to be more responsible with what trends if Tinseltown is going to make a TV show out of every damn link that you post on your wall. If I knew it was that easy, I would have phoned it in from my parents house a long time ago instead of selling my soul to reality TV in Los Angeles.

Okay, you want the lesson? Here’s the lesson. When you don’t vote, it doesn’t count, right? When you don’t #like #follow #repost it won’t trend. Somewhere out there on the magical internet machine I bet there is a study that says, “Smart people are less likely to repost something they really enjoy than someone less smart.” So really, Hollywood… you’re just making a bunch of dumb crap made popular by stupid people.

Be the trend you want to see and know that your #like doesn’t count if you don’t click. You could, for example, #like my facebook page. You could also #share a link on your wall. You could #retweet me. If you find yourself coming back week after week, you could even #subscribe. If you are inspired by the stories you hear from the talented Ladies of the Month, you could #like their pages too. It won’t hurt, I promise. You will be making the internet a better place. You could even make television a better place, one click at a time. Be conscious of what you post and repost, Hollywood’s watching.

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Videos for the Smarty Snatches

December 16, 2011 § 1 Comment

If you read this blog, enjoy it, come back and read more, you know what kind of lady you are. Thank you.  You’re the anti-Sex In The City (although you’ll watch it in syndication wearing a bad lunch face), you are never going to give up on wearing leggings in public since it became socially acceptable two years ago, (it’s freaking comfortable, if guys get to wear baggy jeans, let me have my leggings).  You are okay going to the store without make-up and you save your four inch heels and mini skirts for special occasions only. You’re smart, you know that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle, but you prefer that man to a vibrator any day, and you aren’t afraid to admit it. Cosmopolitan is a drink you rather have than a magazine you want to read. You’d never be caught dead wearing a monochromatic pink outfit (and you know what monochromatic means).

You wouldn’t follow a Kardashian on twitter if someone paid you, and you don’t give a rodent’s toosh about Pippa Middleton (poor freaking girl). You’re purse is bigger than gram cracker because you need to be prepared to do more than just spend money and talk on the phone. You want to read and celebrate inspiring women for their talent and accomplishments instead of their cleavage and spray tans.

– There are funny videos below, I swear –

For years this kind of talk made us feminists, but extreme feminists get just as bad of a wrap and may be just as annoying as the dumb-bimbo-girls gone-wild-turned-trophy-real-housewives of our unfortunate nation. So I propose a happy medium, but I don’t know what to call it. I like Self Respecting Woman, but perhaps it isn’t as clever as say Smarty Snatches, because real woman can refer to her snatch without a giggle. Okay, maybe a giggle a couple seconds after, but she appreciates the alliteration.

Anyway, here are a few videos that have inspired me lately to be the woman I am. I beleive I’m not alone. There is a new breed of women who aren’t afraid to laugh at a fart joke, who actually like watching football, who will wear really sexy boots, but will get really pissed off if her boss doesn’t look her in the eye on the day she dares to wear a v-neck.

Go ahead, waste some time. It’s Friday.

I love this probably because I have an affinity for Juliette Luis, and if I hear “twinises” out of anyone’s mouth I’ll slap them.

Because South Park is awesome, and the youth of America worships that Beiber kid with the hair cut and Miley Cyrus with her duck face.

Speaking of duck face… when is it going to stop.

And fellow Smarty Snatch, Jenna Marbles. I do not always agree, Jenna, but you are right about Bitches at the Airport. There’s a time and a place for 6 inch heels. It’s called Prom.

Rotten Couture Christmas

December 14, 2011 § Leave a comment

Tis the season for dressing up. There’s a lot of pressure for these little outfits. We work hard all year, busting out the cardio moves, toning, tightening, lifting, lunging. Time to show it off before the holiday binge pops you back into the I-ate-too-much pants. Every girl wants to waltz into her hometown and turn heads no matter how casual that little ol’ town is. Or maybe finally catch the eye of the cutie in the mailroom at the work Chritmas party. New Years Eve can’t go without mention. That little number you save for this magical evening is put to work in Facebook photos for years to come. Especially if you’ve been good all year long, December is the month to be a little naughty. Why not let designer, Gina Katon, help you out?

Onesies, jumpers, rompers, one-piece, singlet (although, pretty sure that’s wrestling attire), whatever you call it they are ready to dazzle this winter. And you thought it was just a summer item. Tights, boots and hot little tailored jacket rock these one of a kind pieces from Rotten Couture for your much anticipated winter engagements.

Synched waist and blousing will flaunt what you got and conceal those extra few Christmas cookies. There are onesies out there for every asset. Wearing the right garment transforms you into a bombshell, even if you only went to the gym once this week. However, I’m sure you powerwalked the mall once or twice so show it off. ‘Tis the season to turn heads.

Rotten Couture has one of a kind one-pieces by Gina Katon. Gina diligently searches for the most unique vintage pieces, takes them to her lab and reinvents them. 100% green, she re-imagines these pieces with recycled fabric to create art you can wear. You’ll be surprised at how she transforms a lame 80s party dress to a rocking mini fit for the red carpet. Her stuff is rotten, but in the “I’m glad I dared to wear” way.  It’s releasing your inner sex kitten in broad daylight, or in the spirit of the season, Christmas tree light. As Gina says, “nasty, girly fun.”

Not into the winter onesie? Rotten Couture has much more, skirts, dresses, shorts for every holiday occasion. From hipster ugly sweater party to high rise New York New Years, complements abound. You’re one of a kind, why not wear it that way?

Check out Gina’s one of kind one pieces and hit her up for your new favorite celebratory go-to garment. This is not something you’ll find a department store, so whether  you’re buying for a special glam girl, make your appointment with Gina today. You can also purchase online at rottencouture.com.  Rotten Couture makes a great gift for the fashionista in your heart, even if that fashionista is you. Everyone will want to know where you got it, and no one will be able to have it. Which, when you think about it, is kind of rotten. It’s something every that belongs in every girl’s closet, especially a bachelorette.

All the onesies featured are original creations by Gina Katon.

Learn more about the amazing recording artist, dancer, performer and fashion designer, Gina Katon…

Listen to Gina and The Eastern Block. Watch on YouTube. Find them on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.

Browse her clothing line Rotten Couture. Show your support on Facebook.

Photo credits from top to bottom: Dante Thomas, Pablo Hernandez, Gina Katon, Pablo Hernandez

The Christmas Cookie

December 12, 2011 § 2 Comments

Reposting a Holiday Favorite of mine as I wonder what I should get for Mister Red this year beyond a strip tease. Any suggestions?

For many, it’s “our first Christmas together,” or the equivalent to a potentially traumatizing experience much like watching E.T. as a 4 year old or the first time you saw a penis with your own eyes. It’s month of negotiations and creative problem solving. He still thinks I’m pretty and I’m trying to figure out how to successfully keep the flaws hidden during my holiday drinking binge. I’ve also got to assess the ratio of family traditions to mistletoe time, come up with a sexy way to wear horizontal red and white stripes, and the statistics of how naughty one can be while avoiding receiving coal. And there’s the most stressful one of all, the delicate equation of love plus finances divided by how-long-you’ve-been-sleeping-together equaling the appropriate gift. The most dreaded song and dance for any new couple, beyond the first time someone breaks wind.

Up front I’m saying no jewelry. For me there’s a lot of pressure when receiving jewelry only a few months into a relationship. Precious metals are symbolic of jail and a necklace reminds me of a noose.  Also I’m too young to wear something called a tennis bracelet, I’m caught between sillybands and bangles. Of course when you throw this statement around carelessly without addendum it could backfire. Two or more years together and there better be some bling in a box at some point. If five years go by and you’re still getting socks, it’s your own fault. Guys will always remember what they are excused from, not what is required of them.

It’s always a sticky situation if you make an agreement to adhere to a dollar amount, especially early on. Presuming that he will simply ignore the price cap so you make out like a bandit, trading a nerf gun for diamond earrings is delusional. Men are incapable of reading between the lines when you want them to. Tears will ensue and you’ll ruin Christmas for everyone. Don’t be that chick that ruined Christmas, it doesn’t look good on the resume. You’ll go down in the Christmas history, “remember that crier Paul brought last year, she put a 20 dollar limit on her 200 dollar expectations.” And if you DO make it to the next Christmas you better be prepared for scrutiny. And if your lucky enough to advance beyond that, you’ll become the annual joke.  Best to just be blunt about it.  My no-jewelry rule is a price cap without the price tag.  For me, I’d rather not have a hefty investment on my hands if the stocks plummet. That and I don’t like feeling like I owe someone anything just because they gave me something I didn’t ask for.  Although I’m pretty sure that also says, “I’m petrified of commitment and not mature enough to have nice things.” I’m like a squirrel and jewelry is a sudden movement. You do not want to scare me off. Have you seen my tail? It’s spectacular. If you want to keep me around, you’ll have to slowly lure me in with lots of nuts.

I’m probably different than most ladies. Not just small boxes, but anything wrapped up in non-descript paper gives me anxiety. I literally have a panic attack even thinking about Christmas morning. I don’t like presents. Well, that’s not true. I do find it better to give then to receive with the exception of oral pleasure. That’s beside the point. It’s not that I’m against receiving a nice gesture from a loved one, let me clarify, I just don’t like expected surprises. If I’m aware of a surprise on the way, I know the surpriser is going to expect a reaction from me. It’s their anticipation of my reaction that sends me over the edge. The pressure cripples me, even if I love the gift I unwrap my anxiety has already scared the reaction out of me. I get so worked up because I know I cannot control my facial expressions. If I hate something, you’ll know. I’d be a terrible actress, an even worse liar, and when I’m anxious I just make the bad lunch face. When I hold a present in my lap I can’t help but taste expired leafy greens. Bless the man who gives me a gift and let him be forewarned.

In truth, the only thing that should matter is his heart and the package it comes in. I think we all want a sexy Santa to come down our chimneys and tell us that ours is the only house he’ll be visiting. The only box I want him holding is mine. And in the end, I’ll always give him the cookie.

Mittens

December 9, 2011 § 1 Comment

Kitten Mittens? Not quite. I don’t usually like to get political, but this is ridiculous. I know we live in a world where people are not as educated about the nation they live in (thank you Miss Carolina 2007), but I’m pretty sure if you ask any 4th grader out there, what US State is shaped as a mitten they’ll say Michigan. You can see it from space: Mitten. I’m from Michigan, so this creases me a little more than most. Tourism is a multi million, sometimes billion dollar industry in any state. Wisconsin you got a little more than a mitten battle on your hands if you hired this lady to take care of your tourism campaign. The video is a must watch. Hilarious.

Gloves Off In Mitten Controversy Between Wisconsin, Michigan – Video – WISN Milwaukee.

Wisconsin must have recruited ‘ol Steph Klett steps out of the institution. I wonder if she can find the US on a map. They are just getting greedy, they already have cheese and Aaron Rodgers. Plagiarizing the mitten, sure that’s silly. But pretty sure MI has been calling themselves the Mitten since before copywriting was a thing.

Will the real Mitten State please stand up?

Miss December

December 7, 2011 § Leave a comment

Meet the Truly Extraordinary Gina Katon

There’s a lot that can be said about Ms. Gina Katon, talented, determined, sexy, over the top, all of it inspiring. Triple threat? Well, she has a lot more in her arsenal than that. Gina danced her way to Los Angles on a scholarship at the EDGE Performing Arts Center. Quickly she began booking dance gigs all over the world. Back-up dancer for live events, music videos, featured in movies and television alike. But this little firecracker didn’t want to stop there.

A few years ago, after performing with the Pussy Cat Dolls at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, she returned to Los Angeles and stepped up her game. She became a member of a classic rock inspired girl group, Darling Stilettos. They could sing, dance and rock just as hard as the boys. This gave her flight and courage, Gina’s true passion started to poke through, fascinated by composition and the recording process.

Around this same time she started sewing for herself, daring to be different. Her motivation: to be one of a kind. Creative inspiration comes in bursts and while Gina waited by the pool for gigs, agents, and labels to make decisions she started reinventing vintage, and there was a demand. She was going to vintage and second hand stores and buying loveless long lost articles and reimagining them, translating outdated fashion into Gina’s rotten chic lexicon. And people wanted it. Rotten Couture was a result of a moment  when creativity spawned demand.

When you discover certain truths about your nature, action needs to be taken it cannot be ignored. For Gina it was the need to have her hands in all facets of the creation process. Gina began to feel stifled in her girl group. She was bursting with musical passion, but was trapped behind a lead singer. Finally gathering up the courage, she stepped out in front. The summer of 2010 Gina and the Eastern Block was conceived. A few short months in the womb and their first record, “Little Villains” was born. Gina finally took her place in the spotlight in front of talented musicians Todd Weinstock (former guitar player of Glassjaw) and producer/drummer Marc Jordan (The Cult, Velvet Revolver).

Fueled by an undeniable passion and a voice with a lot to say, Gina and the Eastern Block broke a mold with an eclectic fusion of rock, drum and bass, and pop accompanied by some badass lyrics. There is no category for this sound. They started playing the Viper Room on the Sunset Strip and other venues in LA and New York, fans thumping to the unique sound, adhering to Gina’s cry of aggressiveness, vengeance and mischief.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and Gina quickly found many collaborators ready to help groom her babies. Her band and her dancers have successfully performed several jaw dropping shows and produced a video for her single, “Wiggle It.” Her friends took Rotten Couture into boutiques for sale to the general public, while other supporters hailed her endeavors in press like Dance Track Magazine.

Now the band is working to produce their second album and Gina has been sought out to star in a docu-web series about her clothing line. Gina is the Lady of the Month not because of her accomplishments but because of her ferocity. Her desire for personal distinction and fearless perseverance of her passions supersede her talent. Reminding us all that you can’t build greatness on talent alone but with this cocktail becomes the contraception of excellence.

Learn more about the amazing recording artist, dancer, performer and fashion designer, Gina Katon…

Listen to Gina and The Eastern Block. Watch on YouTube. Find them on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.

Browse her clothing line Rotten Couture. Show your support on Facebook.

Photo Credits: Pablo Hernandez, Stage shot: Bruno Ohara

Holiday Relapse…

December 2, 2011 § Leave a comment

I thought the above was appropriate to pair with the below. Enjoy.

Where Am I?

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