Kathrine Heigl: We used to like you, but somehow now… we don’t.

January 9, 2012 § 3 Comments

I live as far away from Hollywood as I possibly can while still being in the bounds of Los Angeles, but I love myself some Hollywood and Highland billboards after a brief hiatus from the mecca. They change practically over night. Magically little elves with red beards (sure why not red beards?) Ahem, these elves march in with special levels to straighten giant faces selling new movies, huge alcohol bottles only beach bums could dream of, and weirdly threatening ads for HIV testing. There was also that campaign for Mexico: The Place You Thought You Knew, but I thought it fell flat. Come on… the place I thought I knew? Or the place I’m afraid to go and would defiantly not drink the water.

Hollywood is the only place where you can practically watch a trailer for a movie that hasn’t even been shot yet while stuck in traffic. The cart is way before the horse in this town. The other day I saw something for Kathrine Heigl’s new gem, One For the Money. Something something broken heart bail bonds… didn’t Rachel from Friends and some dashing man with an accent already do this film? There was a time I really thought this chick was funny, but it must have been the writing.

I was never into Grey’s Anatomy, please, it’s like Sex In The City but with doctorate degrees, but I understand Ms. H. really swooned small screen audiences. For me, she won me over in Knocked Up. Playing overly nervous, second guessing crazy girl is loveable on her. Finally, a girl’s girl in comedy. This is what I thought. Then 27 Dresses. Not horrible, but watch alone with a box of sugary cereal. Continuing on the KH train I nexflixed The Ugly Truth and couldn’t really make it though the whole thing without checking Facebook five times and playing Angry Birds through the last hour. Still I didn’t want to give up on her.

Then she did the unspeakable, she played opposite Ashton Kutcher. I ignored everything after that. I can’t get through a movie with his winy man voice. Grow up, dude, and get a hair cut. After I saw the billboard the other day and realized ol Katty Kathrine was still alive and well, I IMDBed her to see what went wrong.

It was wrong from the start. She starred in a made for TV prequel to Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. A prequel to an anthem of my adolescence? I don’t think so, girlfriend. There are some other disappointments in the early filmography like Roswell and Under Siege 2. Although she was in Bride of Chucky which was a surprise to me.

Poor girl has bad chick flick after ensemble cast with Ashton Kutcher after bad chick flick slated for the next year. All she did in 2011 was New Year’s Eve and a  short called Kathrine Heigl Hates Balls for Funny or Die. I rather die. It’s just clever PSA to neuter your dog.

So fine, I’m a hater. At least until she proves me otherwise. Well now I can watch Knocked Up and know it’s the writing not the blonde. It’s a really cool love story that makes you laugh because life is messy. Why can’t there be more RomComs like it? For now we just stick to the recycled story lines, it’s always a happy ending in tinsel town, especially for a brown-eyed girl with nice teeth.

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§ 3 Responses to Kathrine Heigl: We used to like you, but somehow now… we don’t.

  • Dane says:

    I’m trying to envision what KH looks like without that two dollar grin on her face. Maybe if I see her I will tell her how much I enjoyed her in Bride of Chucky.
    Yes, I drank the hater-aid, but she deserves the Hollywood blonde treatment. After all, she would be at the CES trade show in next to nothing, pawning the new smartphone toothbrush if it wasn’t for her mommy.

  • Noah Mathers says:

    Check out anything she’s ever said in the media. Most of it is compiled in this Cracked article. http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-baffling-career-moves-in-hollywood/

    She’s a bitch and she sucks. If you constantly burn the people who got you where you are today and continue to support you, all those juicy parts go away and you have to do January released movies (aka Hollywood’s graveyard) and shitty ensemble rolls because SURPRISE, no one wants to work with you.

    Poor girl nothing! She brought it on herself. She made her own bed.

    (contractually I can’t tell you why I’m so angry about her, but yes I’ve met her and YES she does suck that much).

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