The Hormone Guide

August 31, 2012 § Leave a comment

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Men Are Dogs

August 28, 2012 § 1 Comment

It’s been said before, probably by a woman… Men are dogs. Today I challenge your thinking (why would you expect less?)… Do you think men act like dogs because we talk about them like they are? Or do we talk about them like they are dogs because that’s what they act like? I don’t know, I’m asking you.

Consider the coupled female. She’s chosen her dog, she’s brought him home, and after several months of potty training and obedient school he’s finally the loving pet she’s always dreamed of. Well, most of the time. He still ruins the occasional piece of furniture, and eats in the sloppiest manner possible, but he’s usually happy to see her. Unless he’s been doing something he wasn’t supposed to. When she goes out with her girlfriends who have dogs as well they compare behaviors of their canine companions.

“Does your dog ever get the late night munchies? He eats so much!”

“He’s housebroken and everything, but I’m thinking these ‘presents’ are some sort of retaliation.” 

“What is with that crotch smelling thing? I can’t ever bring a friend over without him getting fresh with her.”

“I’m pretty sure his last owner just let him do whatever he wanted.”

“I’ve let the leash out as far as it can go and he still wants to get away from me, has yours ever done that?”

“The smell of his farts is outta control. I’m embarrassed.” 

“He chases every cat in sight. Even if it just resembles a cat, he’s all over it.”

“He’s doing this new thing where he whines until I rub his belly.”

“I can tell my neighbors are pissed because of the noise.”

“Did a crate work for you?”

“I don’t get it, he can’t stand men. Especially the postman and the pool boy.”

Then they give advice as to how to deal with the dog.

“Just tell him to go lay down and he’ll learn his lesson.” 

“Don’t let him dig up your backyard if you’re not sure what’s back there.”

“He should be waiting for you when you get home, tail wagging.” 

“Put him outside for a while, he might bark, but it’s good for him to know what he’s missing.” 

“Just let him mark his territory but be sure he knows who’s the alpha.”

“That dog walker shouldn’t be trusted.” 

Now let’s discuss the single gal. They are shopping for dog, they want to make sure they are making the best investment and they get the breed with the right temperament for their lifestyle.

“The smaller one’s always tend to be more nervous.” 

“I’ve got a breeder that’s setting me up with this adorable showdog. I just hope I can make a good impression.”

“What if I get him all the way home and we just don’t click?”

“I just can’t do another wolf that can’t be domesticated.” 

“I heard mutts can be really loyal. Loyalty is really important to me, more than pedigree.” 

“I need a protector. A German Shepherd, or  even a Doberman. Something that’s going to keep me safe.” 

“He just wandered into my yard. I want to keep him, but he’s tags say he belongs to someone else.”  

“I really don’t want a rescue. I don’t want to deal with a dog who has issues coming from a broken home.”

“I’m afraid if I get one he’ll ruin all my nice furniture, it’s not like he’ll appreciate it, he’s a dog.” 

“I’m looking for dog who can run with me. Like a Lab, or a bloodhound. I want a strong canine jock.” 

“I don’t want to have to give him up because I didn’t train him properly.” 

“I have no problem going to the shelter to pick one out, he just better have all his shots.”

“I need a dog that can pull his load. I’m going to put that guy to work. I hear a Boxer or a Husky just won’t quit.” 

I’m just saying, when the girls gaggle together… a dog’s nothing more than a dog.

28 years and feeling older

August 24, 2012 § Leave a comment

Series Finale

August 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Life of Walsh: Series Finale

Okay, I’ve been MIA. I get it, you’re either mad or you don’t care about me anymore. It’s not like anyone actually reads these days. Scratch that– reads more than three sentences durning one sitting these days. Truth is, I like writing long winded prose that are both vulgar and witty, but I lack the time. See, I’m now writing for a health and fitness blog on Tumblr for money. So without inundating you with recycled articles I’ve written for them I’ll just direct you there to look for yourself.

This Blog is the Next New Awesome Blog You’ll Ever Read for 30 Seconds, CLICK HERE!

It’s pretty quick and great if you’re really into fitness, Pilates and eating well. If you aren’t, you’ll just think it’s a waste of internet real estate that could be better served hosting corgi videos. And you know I love a corgi video.

Anyway, a gal can only write so much, so… I’m moving myself to Tuesdays! Why Tuesday? Because I thing the occasional blogger always picks Wednesday and I believe the average working class gal is most bored on Tuesdays. I’ll still do Friday Foto Folly because I probably love it more than most.

Anyway if you’re still out there, thanks for reading. And while you’re at it, comment or like or share a thing or two, otherwise I’m just another one of those people who’s writing for no one to pay any attention.

PS – A friend of mine says she pulled a Walsh the other day and accepted a date with a hot bartender. At least something’s catching on.

 

Hand Jobs!

August 10, 2012 § Leave a comment

How can I learn when you always make me stop?

Darth Vader Pez dispenser, hamster you don’t want to squeeze too hard.

Get Abs Like An Olympian

August 8, 2012 § Leave a comment

Or something like that. Is it just me or are the Olympics pretty steamy this year? Lots of hot bodies sweating and seething… the mugs aren’t that bad either. For something that’s practically a survival of the fittest for all races and cultures, they’re a pretty good looking group too. Surely that’s Darwinism at work.

Getting that sexy six-pack or toning the tummy doesn’t require traditional crunches or sit-ups by the hundreds. Let’s take a page world class athletes and concentrate on core stability and a regimented lifestyle. Great abs are just a side effect.

The Olympic body is chiseled for power, sculpted for endurance and monitored by it’s technician among various trainers. You don’t need a team of experts to chip away at your own gut, but you will need dedication to a clean diet and fervor for form in every exercise.

First, monitor the nourishment that passes your lips. Ask: Is this the best fuel for your body? A clean diet of non-processed foods is essential for toning the tummy. Putting whole foods inside will make it look good outside.

Next, think beyond your abs to your core (abs, obliques, back, hips and glutes). All essential muscles working together to stabilize the spine and pelvis, insuring balance and posture. Everything is connected. If you stay true to proper technique the streamlined torso will come.

Athletes get their killer abs from strength training, that targets all their core muscles in addition to hours of practice for technical perfection in their event. You won’t find a long jumper doing hours of crunches, you’ll find her jumping. Just like a swimmer swims and runner runs. When you work out, work it all. The next step is honing your technique in each exercise to insure you’re working the proper muscles in addition to the stabilizers in your core.

Give it your all, listen to corrections, eat well and be well. Olympic athletes work hard for their excellence, and you can too. Washboard abs are the constellation prize of hard work.

Now to get a face like an Olympian? You’ll need a Nike sponsorship for that. And that great wave, earn a medal.

Episode 112

August 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

The Life of Walsh Episode: 112

Karma points.

The other day I was taking my trash down. I don’t have a chute or anything, it’s kinda of a walk down to the parking garage and then dealing with an icky door. None the less, as I was walking mine down and my neighbor had their trash waiting out by their door. Mind you, I live in LA, therefore I do not know my neighbors, in fact I’ve lived there for a year and have never even met them. To demonstrate this one step further, at a different unit in the building new tenets moved in. Mister Red went down with a welcoming bottle of wine and practically got the door slammed in his face. After I heard that, I was through being neighborly.

But back to the other neighbor’s trash. I thought for a moment and decided to earn some karma points by picking up their trash on my way. So yes, a good deed for selfish reasons. Then, the next time I leave the house I see they’ve left a note on their door. It says: Dear Neighbor, thank you for taking my trash out, that was a good deed and I appreciate it.

So they decided to spend the minute of time that I saved them to print out and write me a note. Which I thought was really nice, until I thought about it taking away my karma points. I felt like I was a vigilante and someone just unmasked me. Almost like me thunder was robbed. My random act was suddenly not so random. So who gets the karma points? Me or my neighbor?

Where Am I?

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