Men Are Dogs

August 28, 2012 § 1 Comment

It’s been said before, probably by a woman… Men are dogs. Today I challenge your thinking (why would you expect less?)… Do you think men act like dogs because we talk about them like they are? Or do we talk about them like they are dogs because that’s what they act like? I don’t know, I’m asking you.

Consider the coupled female. She’s chosen her dog, she’s brought him home, and after several months of potty training and obedient school he’s finally the loving pet she’s always dreamed of. Well, most of the time. He still ruins the occasional piece of furniture, and eats in the sloppiest manner possible, but he’s usually happy to see her. Unless he’s been doing something he wasn’t supposed to. When she goes out with her girlfriends who have dogs as well they compare behaviors of their canine companions.

“Does your dog ever get the late night munchies? He eats so much!”

“He’s housebroken and everything, but I’m thinking these ‘presents’ are some sort of retaliation.” 

“What is with that crotch smelling thing? I can’t ever bring a friend over without him getting fresh with her.”

“I’m pretty sure his last owner just let him do whatever he wanted.”

“I’ve let the leash out as far as it can go and he still wants to get away from me, has yours ever done that?”

“The smell of his farts is outta control. I’m embarrassed.” 

“He chases every cat in sight. Even if it just resembles a cat, he’s all over it.”

“He’s doing this new thing where he whines until I rub his belly.”

“I can tell my neighbors are pissed because of the noise.”

“Did a crate work for you?”

“I don’t get it, he can’t stand men. Especially the postman and the pool boy.”

Then they give advice as to how to deal with the dog.

“Just tell him to go lay down and he’ll learn his lesson.” 

“Don’t let him dig up your backyard if you’re not sure what’s back there.”

“He should be waiting for you when you get home, tail wagging.” 

“Put him outside for a while, he might bark, but it’s good for him to know what he’s missing.” 

“Just let him mark his territory but be sure he knows who’s the alpha.”

“That dog walker shouldn’t be trusted.” 

Now let’s discuss the single gal. They are shopping for dog, they want to make sure they are making the best investment and they get the breed with the right temperament for their lifestyle.

“The smaller one’s always tend to be more nervous.” 

“I’ve got a breeder that’s setting me up with this adorable showdog. I just hope I can make a good impression.”

“What if I get him all the way home and we just don’t click?”

“I just can’t do another wolf that can’t be domesticated.” 

“I heard mutts can be really loyal. Loyalty is really important to me, more than pedigree.” 

“I need a protector. A German Shepherd, or  even a Doberman. Something that’s going to keep me safe.” 

“He just wandered into my yard. I want to keep him, but he’s tags say he belongs to someone else.”  

“I really don’t want a rescue. I don’t want to deal with a dog who has issues coming from a broken home.”

“I’m afraid if I get one he’ll ruin all my nice furniture, it’s not like he’ll appreciate it, he’s a dog.” 

“I’m looking for dog who can run with me. Like a Lab, or a bloodhound. I want a strong canine jock.” 

“I don’t want to have to give him up because I didn’t train him properly.” 

“I have no problem going to the shelter to pick one out, he just better have all his shots.”

“I need a dog that can pull his load. I’m going to put that guy to work. I hear a Boxer or a Husky just won’t quit.” 

I’m just saying, when the girls gaggle together… a dog’s nothing more than a dog.

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§ One Response to Men Are Dogs

  • Zeps says:

    I think calling a man a “dog” is a compliment. I have often said how I would like to find a man who was like my dog. I have a large and protective German Shepherd who stares at me lovingly all day long, always wants to snuggle, constantly tries to make out with me, is a good listener and truly very handsome. So he’s big, furry, sometimes has bad gas and sheds like crazy but he’s endlessly loyal and loving. I think these are pretty excellent qualities to look for in a suitor.

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