Sexy Halloween

October 9, 2012 § 6 Comments

Deciding what to be for halloween this year? I thought I’d repost this one a little early this year, not only to get you in the spirit, but also at a PSA. Please don’t be slutting it up this year. Enjoy!

I was minding my own facebook when an ad on my side bar caught my eye. Ready for it… Sexy Watermelon Costume! Are you kidding me?! Come on… Sexy Wa-ter-mel-on?! That’s the last thing we need, pornographic fruit. My curiosity got the best of me, I mean I had to see what exactly a sexy watermelon looked like. Not impressed:

She’s seedless on her rear end, which makes sense. I’m just not seeing how this is an acceptable costume and not a beach cover up. And it sells for $61.95. Some one took a bite out of it! You should at least get a 20% discount for that huge hole.

Apparently erotic fruit is big this year. I saw similar costumes in the strapless mini tube-dress fashion for Sexy Strawberry, Sexy Banana, Sexy Pineapple, even a Sexy Fruit Cup. I would have never determined a pineapple a sexy fruit. Sort of prickly, you know? I don’t want my lover to caress my body with a pineapple. That seems scratchy.

Food in the bedroom is generally sticky. I think this might be a good time to remind ourselves that Halloween does not occur in a bedroom. This is not the venue for a masked orgy like it appears to be. A lingerie clad hussy who claims she’s the Mad Hatter will never win the costume contest, even though drag is usually a big hit. My fellow ladies, you are so concerned with showing skin, you’ve shoved all your cleverness right out the window in exchange for some thigh-high stockings and a bathing suit. Think about it, what guy wants to fuck a bumble bee?

Alright, I’m through lecturing… you know you’re degrading your gender. Anyway, after I oogled the fruit I browsed the rest of the role playing costumes and determined they were just that… lingerie.

At the risk of being an advertisement for this behavior, I thought share some of my favorites. I mean, there are the staples we see year after year in bulk, Sultry SWAT Officer,  Sexy Military Babe, Sexy Pirate, Sexy Sailor Sweetie, Sexy Indian Diva, Sexy Dirty Cop, Super Sexy Maid, Hell To Pay Sexy Devil (actual names). This year we have some pop culture additions, Sexy Black Swan, Racy Red Riding Hood, Sexy Naughty Vampire.  A free pair of panties  with every purchase, like you’re going to even need them. But some you just have to see to beleive….

Sexy After School Special, I’ve seen loin cloths that cover more.

Sexy Party Bunny, That’s a bunny? That’s a bow tie and ears away from a “sorry baby, I know we haven’t had sex in a while” surprise strip tease.

Correct me if I’m wrong…

but are Naughty Minnie Mouse and this Sexy Lady Bug wearing the same itty-bitty teeny-weeny crimson polka-dot bikini?

How embarrassing.

You’re going to take one of Stanly Kubrick’s finest and most frightening character creations, gender neutralize it and make it fuckable?

All professions sexified: Sexy Train Conductor? They’ll slap thigh highs on anything.

Whatever happened to the old fashioned mermaid? You mean to tell me that aquatic babe isn’t sexy enough so someone invented the Sexy Shark, Darling Dolphin, and the Come Find Me Clown Fish. Wait, that’s supposed to be a clown fish?! That’s just something Lady Gaga would wear on a Tuesday.  Or more like Blow Fish. *High Five*

These just isn’t even trying anymore.

Sexy Peacock, you can’t just stick a feather in your hair and become a bird.

Sexy Gem. Oh okay, I get it, JEM and the Holograms.

Breast Cancer Awareness Frisky Leopard. Um… okay… Save the Ta Tas anyway you can.

And this gets a lot of looks I’m sure. “What are you?” “Irish.” Save it for St. Patrick’s Day.

Of all the things you choose to be, you’re a skunk? A Sexy Skunk. Really stinkin’ up the place.

And the Dirty Martini. I can’t. Look at it, just look at it.

* Please note that while appreciates the free press I’ve given them, they have demanded this post be accurate. Comedic embellishments have been compromised for accuracy. You may find these costumes and more at

***I also hope that remembers they advertised on MY facebook page.

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