October 23, 2012 § Leave a comment

For the record, there was no proposal. On my hand there are exactly zero diamonds. The only thing Mister Red has taken a knee for lately is the bottom drawer and P90x. Both of us working around the clock to establish our careers haven’t had a day off in over a month and the last “vacation” we took was to drive a vehicle across the country as fast as we could. We’ve committed ourselves to events only as far as Thanksgiving. And we don’t even have a dog.

With the facts laid out for you, what would make anyone think we were getting engaged any time soon? Right. Well, my mother has already started planning the wedding that has yet to be proposed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited both my parents approve of the Irishman I’ve choose, that helps when you live in sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

If you remember, I had some inquires when I recently changed my relationship status on Facebook. Those inquires were family related and directed to my mother. Apparently,  to the older generation, when I changed my relationship status on my social network (despite living together out of wedlock) that meant a ring was around the corner. My mother waited to ask me about it until we were in person. She spoke in a low almost whisper, “do you think he’s going to ask anytime soon, I’d like to prepare your father.” WHAT?! No sooner did I say, “no it’s not happening soon but it will eventually happen,” did we start talking about venues. Exactly the type of conversation I was trying to avoid by not listing my relationship status to the public.

Right there I had to break it to her that I had not envisioned my “big day” at their house in the backyard. Argument ensued. “Well where does Mister Red want to have the wedding?” I don’t know…. he hasn’t asked me to marry him yet!!! Geez. About 24 hours goes by and she brings it up again, having come to terms with the fact that the event will never ever be held at my childhood home. This time she has stipulations about how much she will be able to help if we are across the country and that some how leads to bridesmaid dresses. While we are being candid, I express that I wasn’t sure if I wanted any (I mean, I’ll be over 30, I don’t even know any “maids” now). Blasphemous! She is outraged at my non traditional ideas.

Another few hours goes by and she decides that the bridesmaid battle is something she’ll fight for later. What she really wants to insure now is that I do not have the wedding outside in the summer. It’s too hot. And if I do want to get married outside I shouldn’t plan for the spring because the weather is unpredictable. Which leads her to her next point… I cannot under any circumstances get married during football season. Great… so that leaves the last 2 weeks in February.  Thanks for narrowing that down for us, Ma.

When my parents came to visit Mister Red express his intentions to my father. After all they were staying in our apartment, it was kind of hard to mask that we share a bed every night. He basically said (although more eloquent I’m sure), “I’m broke, but I do want to be bound by law to your daughter.” I have not heard one word from my father on the subject. However, my mother brings up the wedding that has yet to be proposed every time we talk. Her latest idea is that everyone gets a veto. Like this is some sort of matrimonial government. Each of my parents get a veto, each of his parents and both me an Mister Red get one too. How generous. If at anyone one point in the wedding planning process something gets decided that one of the parties does not like they can use their one veto to get their way. I have 2 questions for that. One is: what stops me from using my veto to veto her veto? The other is: why are we discussing this if we aren’t even engaged yet???

Hopefully she’ll get it all out of her system now and then in 7 years (according to Mister Red) when he actually does propose, she’ll be too tired of it all.



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