Bed Stats

November 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Although I haven’t combed through horizontal polka variations in a while, a few things I’ve come across lately that let me know I am out of touch society. So in no particular order here are some thoughts on things I cannot unlearned.

I read on the internet (so who knows if this is true) that the average American only has sex 2 to 3 times a MONTH! I know, I thought it was high too… Kidding! Call me an over achiever. They must have included infants in this gross mean. Either that or we just figured out that the government is not the only thing wrong with this country. In the same article I also read that increasing this to just one love session per week brings the bliss factor up to that of making an extra $50,000 per year. Um, I’m pretty sure at this rate I wouldn’t be that blissful with twice that extra cash. Money can’t buy love I guess. The average American’s intimate encounter last 18 minutes. Which only tells me there are a lot of ladies out there who are not properly warmed up.

This same publication also said that couples who like each other have better and more frequent sex. Well I should hope you at least like your partner just a little bit. If not, it might be time for a split. As far as frisky countries the Greeks and Brazilians are up there and the Japanese are on the low end. And Japan lives in the future. Does anyone else see a correlation between technology and getting a little hubba hubba? On the flip side this might be why Greece’s economy is in the toilet. I’ve also learned that the average female has kissed 78 frogs before turning one into a prince. That seems a little high to me. Anyone else kissing that many frogs? I’ve made lip to lip contact with my fair share but not 78. Who are these kissing sluts?

Again, this is data I found online, who knows if it’s true. I did some more digging because fact checking is sacred to me. I’ve found conflicting results so I’m just going with the most shocking and hope that it’s wrong.

84% of women (don’t know how many surveyed) say they have sex to get the man to help around the house. Why don’t we all just do our share. I rather do it to have a happy partner and enjoy myself in the process. What’s wrong with these people?

According to the internet, intercourse can burn anywhere from 84 to 300 calories in a 30 minute session. Conflicting reports considering the average American romp is only lasts 18 minutes. In other words use sex as a two-a-day and don’t skip the workout to be on the safe side.

Among all these confusing stats there is this notion of pansexuality. Kids these days. What the heck is this? It’s like being bisexual in the 90s or bi-curious. I’ll have to admit I heard it (on a New Girl Episode… figures, humor for hipsters) and I had to look it up. I had no clue. Apparently its a name for the attraction you have to people regardless of gender. Basically any person that’s hot they are attracted to. I could say that I’m a pansexual. Doesn’t matter the gender if your hot, I am attracted to you. That’s not it. What turns pansexuals on are belly buttons? Everyone has one. It says they are open to all genders. How many genders are there again? Right, there are two. There’s a few people that are caught in the middle of the two but together they don’t make a third gender? No there are only two genders. After some digging I learned that the opposite of transgender (across) is cigender, meaning that the mind and the body agree, but that still doesn’t clear things up for me on the pansexual preference thing. Maybe thats just it, they don’t have a preference?  Maybe I’m being too black and white about it because I’m a straight girl. It just really makes me mad when people have to put labels on sexuality. Stop competing with the gays, they have a corner on the market and a few real reasons to complain. If I ever hear someone say, “I find that offensive because I’m pansexual,” I will slap them.

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