Lie About Your Age
December 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
This is the year I start lying about my age. Next week will be the first time I turn 29. To be frank, I look fantastic for 29. I look so good people think I just got out of college. Let me rephrase that, I look so young, when I buy a TV dinner, bottle of red and a whole cheese cake, I get carded and questioned. Really? Wild cheese cake party of one! When I had a fake ID I thought all reds were merlot and all whites were spritzers. Now if I was buying a bottle of Boones Farm I could understand the interrogation.
You might know, I’m now a fitness instructor of the Pilates and Barre type regimens so the daily attire has my age down a few years as well. It’s hard to believe anyone who lives their life in spandex has adult tendencies. I’ve recently been in training to instruct for a new barre workout and everyone in the program with me can’t be a day over 13. Even the girl who’s teaching the program is probably just doing this to save for grad school. I haven’t disclosed any details about my age, yet I’ll complain every now and then after a hard workout that I feel like an old lady. They just look at me and laugh, little do they know I’m on the road to hip replacement. On the flip side, I’m the smartest one in the class. Possibly my worldly adult experience and my aging wisdom has made this material easier for me to pick up, perhaps I’m just mature enough to stick my mind to it so it sinks in. Or maybe I’ve been out of college just long enough that I actually like learning again. All this doesn’t matter, I’m not telling them I’m pushing 30. I’m just going to let them believe I’m 20-ish and super smart and well rounded. They are none the wiser… right? For the next 10 years I’ll be turning 29 and no one else needs to know.
My next thought… 29 is scary. Time to get real serious about where your life is headed. Shoot…. I think I said that last year. I’m almost afraid to tell these young counterparts my actual age, what if they don’t accept me? What if my jokes will forever fly over their heads? Some of them don’t remember the 80s. What if they look at me and think in the back of their not quite fully developed brains, “geez I hope I’m not still doing this when I’m her age.” The only defense I have is to tell them I’m on my 3rd career and I am a well rounded individual. I almost rear-ended the bat mobile with a golf cart! You don’t get that type of experience if you’re a loser.
The worst part about approaching the completion of another decade is that time is speeding up. As you get older, time feels like it speeds up, yes? As time speeds up, you can see the evolution of yourself. Once a night owl, now early bird special. Your tastes change, I’m constantly looking for outfits that have more coverage and a blouse effect. But it’s not just me, I happen to know a few fellow christmas babies and 3 out of 4 of them had plans to visit a museum on their birthday. Not that there is anything wrong with getting some culture and grabbing a beer, its just not the 3-day benders we are used to. Me? My big plan is yoga followed by a mani pedi and a really good seafood dinner. Far cry from the birthday shots of yesteryear.
As for my barre class, as far as any of those babies knows, I’m 24. And it’s going to stay that why until I’m questioned and break.