Things To Do Before 30

November 19, 2013 § 1 Comment

images-1Last year (29), and the year before (28), I thought turning 30 was going to be a big deal. I needed to prepare and get my shit together to deal with this big deal of living three decades. Doom and gloom, big deal. Apocalypse is coming, big deal. The end is neigh, big deal. But now that the day is less then a month away, I don’t want to deal with it at all.

More often than not, people survive their 30th birthdays. They don’t catch fire, or spontaneously combust.  There isn’t an immaculate conception, maybe they just get really drunk and have unprotected birthday sex. Or maybe they actually WANT to get pregnant. But just because you turn 30, doesn’t mean you are going to have a baby. They aren’t mutually exclusive or anything (but it’s pretty likely you’ll start considering offspring after 30 if you haven’t already).

When you turn 30, no one takes away your irresponsible youth card and registers you as a republican. No one is going to stop you from buying that new Michael Kors bag and put that $300 into your retirement fund. You won’t wake up to notice you have more wrinkles than Tara Reid’s bad tummy tuck, but you might want to do some crunches, first thing. It’s going to be like every other birthday after 25, and just sting a little.

Although, I’m secretly hoping I’m wrong, and something spectacular happens to me. Like I wake up with a super power or something equally exciting. What if somehow in the night my brain is infused with wise antidotes for every situation and I finally excel at mental math? Or a genetic micro chip-like device is activated by age and reveals the meaning of life then I can finally follow my path without anxiety.


When I turned 20, I thought I was going to do some seriously insane things before I turned 30, like get married and have at least 2 kids. I wanted to be rich and a power player like the kids you read about on the 30 Under 30 (those jerks). I wanted to find my 6 pack and do a back handspring. I thought I was going to be pretty hot shit at 30. Hot shit in a power suit.

Of course that all was a pipe dream. So now, with less than a month before I turn 30… here is a list of things I’m going to try to accomplish in my last few weeks as a 20-something. Obviously, time is running out. Tic Toc.

30 Days to 30 Bucket List.

1. Participate in a dance performance. Or “dance off”and this can be a living room activity.

2. Go to a fancy dinner party, act like yuppies, and drink too much wine.

3. See Hawaii.

4. Do a handstand.

5. Purge all the things I don’t need or never use. (this one sounds like I’m already 30).

6. Purge all the people who don’t contribute to my happiness.

7. Throw a pie in someone’s face.

8. Start therapy. (because after I turn 30, I’m probably going to need it).

9. One last piggy back ride.

10. Topless beach. (what if I turn 30 and they immediately sag to librarian status?)

11. Renew my passport (I’m going places in my 30s… but that’s a different list.)

12. Scuba dive. (but I might settle for a really amazing hike excursion).

13. Don’t kill my basil plant.

14. Make a new friend.

15. Become a REAL author. (this doesn’t mean whisky drinking, I’d settle for an agent taking a serious look at me) AKA start my dream job.

I’m aware some of these might not happen, and count my blessings for the things I have done in my 20s.  I have been lucky enough to have seen the Grand Canyon and The Great Wall of China. I’ve gotten a tattoo, enjoyed a one night stand, and run rampant around for a few days Vegas. I’ve jumped out of an airplane, performed in front of thousands of people, and taken 2 cross country road trips (both with best friends). After living in 3 major metropolitan cities, falling in love (the real kind), and being the co-caretaker of a cat, I think my 20s have been pretty bomb and I still have one month left.


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