What the hell is “Date Night” ?

March 18, 2014 § Leave a comment

What the hell is this “date night” I’ve been hearing so much about lately? It’s like a weekly or bi-monthly rotation of mandatory dining experiences paired with a splash of splurging on high priced entertainment in the hopes you might get laid by your chosen partner (yes, the partner has already been chosen years ago, legally bound in some cases). Is this an attempt to recreate the stage of butterfly swoon and initial wooing. That is… if I understand this correctly. Or perhaps a chance to pretend you live a different kind of life with the person you chose to share your life with. Isn’t that just called: role playing?

date-night

I’m perplexed by this idea because I enjoy Mister Red on mundane in-bed-by-9pm-Wednesdays as well as nights we see movies after getting tipsy at happy hour. I’m not ‘dating’ him anymore, in fact, I’m happy to not be dating him. There is a lot of pressure in dating. I usually take too long to get ready and ultimately end up wearing the wrong thing.

I don’t aim to squander the precious selected evening parents have planned to be child-free and go out to share adult time. I just want to come up with another name for it. In this case it’s not Date Night, it’s Freedom Friday, or No Drooling Night Out. How about something like: Thank-god-someone-else-is-watching-my-offspring-terrors Tuesdays. Clearly you aren’t dating your spouse, you just want to remember why you let him knock you up in the first place. You do need an evening for that, alone.

Surely another term would be fitting, especially for DINKs. DINK couples (Dual Income No Kids) have less elements to get into place in order to plan a night out accompanied by the person they LIVE. Counter parts with offspring have to deal with things like soccer practice, 3 year old tutu night, as well as finding a 13-18 year old neighbor girl who is vaguely responsible. DINKS don’t deal with all that red tape. Basically going out to eat, drink, socialize, see art, get cultured, bang like rabbits doesn’t require an e-vite three weeks in advance. Can’t these people just say, “we went out to dinner” without having to qualify it was “date night”. Who cares?! I expect that if you are both working full time, co-habitating, without kids, you probably have enough spare dough to pony up for a couple of cocktails and a nice steak. That’s the beauty of being a DINK. You can go out to dinner when you want, whenever you want, and you don’t have to answer to anybody about it. Skip the date part and just say what you were doing.

People are fishing for small talk when they start a conversation about what happened or what’s going to happen on “date night.” Either that or its some sort of humble-brag about their lover who still takes them out and even though they fight constantly about sex and dishes, but the relationship is still a strong one because they still make it a priority to spend money together. Hashtag that shit on instagram (#datenight), pictures of forced smile selfies, food half eaten, marquees and tickets, mirror shots of outfits, and lovey-dovey collages of him, her, dessert, and drinks. We are all guilty of it on occasion. But speaking to it’s excess, I think people might be trying too hard to impress the Internet. From my own experience, sometimes we get into a heated argument on nights out. It’s like the moment we have allotted to spend some much needed time with each other is the moment we got to hash out the issue with the dishes. Someone gets defensive, there is eye rolling, and if I would have held that night up to a mandatory good time, I’d be pissed. However, part of being in a relationship is airing grievances about shit that pisses you off, and if that happens to land during Date Night, well, tough cookies.

I get that sometimes we are all looking for some pre-packaged experience to carry us away from every day strife, I used to make money off of creating escapism. If you are doing something simple, the term “date night” puts shackels on an otherwise low pressure evening.

“It’s Date Night so we got to make it count.”

“GASP! Don’t bring that up right now, not on Date Night.”

“This is turning into the worst Date Night.”

“You took me to a food truck on Date Night? Gross.”

“It’s Date Night, don’t leave me on the side of the road to walk home.”

It feels a tad high maintenance.

Per usual, I like to hit my point home with a little urban dictionary. Look further for the truth.

Date night is the negotiated exchange of a night out for the lady resulting in anal sex for the man.A double entendre derived from the dried date (fruit of the date palm) resembling an anus.
M: ‘So is Wednesday night date night?
F: ‘Only if I get a three course meal, a show and we arrive in a limo.’
M: ‘Do we get to do it in the limo?’
F: ‘Throw in the best champagne on the menu and you’ve got a deal.
M: ‘I love date night.’
Never have I negotiated a ‘date night’ according to this, but maybe I should, just to see what all the fuss is about? Date Night: Unless everyone is referring to back door doings, it’s weird to call it that. Stop it.
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