Not Your Grandmother’s Cookies

May 20, 2014 § Leave a comment

I’ve been a clean eater for over a year now. Not clean as in using my napkin after every bite, I’m not eating processed foods from boxes or bags. A clean eating diet  means no refined grains, or sugar, or artificial ingredients. I eat little dairy. The occasional cheese and greek yogurt are about it. Eating real foods from real ingredients makes you feel fantastic. Cutting out sugar gets rid of cravings that lead to over eating.

It took Mister Red a while to come around to the whole foods thing as he was a soda drinker, chip eater, pizza lover. But I broke him. He knows when he goes on a dorm food calorie bender, it’s going to be a rough couple of days. We can’t eat like collage students anymore. Even college student’s shouldn’t eat like that.

To state what might be obvious, eating clean requires a fair amount of food prep and cooking. Unfortunately, I do not fancy myself a cook. Sandwich and salads aside, anytime I step up to the stove, it’s a test kitchen zone. When I started cleaning up our diets that meant a lot of quinoa veggie bowls because that’s all I could make. I’m much better now, but still learning how to cook meat and fish and hold back on the seasoning.

The thing about clean eating is your baked goods are limited because you’ve cut out refined sugar (and as I’ve said, it’s in EVERYTHING). There are lots of recipes online, but that requires you to make the product yourself. I am not a baker. I’ve pretty much figured out every way to mess up oatmeal raisin cookies. One time I completely forgot the flour and ended up making a granola concoction. I would have failed chemistry if it wasn’t for my best friend sitting in front of me letting me copy her test answers. How was I going to get through my lady times of the month without cookies, or brownies, or pancakes? I couldn’t PMS myself into becoming a cutter, so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.

Mister Red calls them KT Desserts, because he knows they aren’t real. They don’t have butter, they don’t have real milk, they don’t have sugar, they don’t have white flour. Pretty much everything your grandmother taught you in her baking lessons is not clean. I fail often, but we still eat the mistakes. (Successes are Gluten Free Banana Oat Pancakes, No Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Oat Balls, Apple Cinnamon Qunioa Breakfast Bars)

Recently, I’ve had a couple of triumphs. We invited friends (healthy, but dirty eaters) over for Sunday dinner. I was determined not to cut any corners and make a completely clean meal with dessert. I made Jaime Oliver Burgers, Sweet Potato “Fries,” Broccoli salad, and gluten free clean eating blondie bars. Mister Red brought some real baked goods home from work, so the taste test was on. He presented the sweets, “We have brownies, carrot cupcakes, and KT Dessert.” The KT Dessert was the favorite, and then I revealed that the base of the blondie bars was chickpeas and blew everyone’s minds. (dusts off hands,  crosses arms, sighs and smiles in satisfaction).

The blondie bar triumph lead me to experiment the next weekend with my leftover cacao chips. I wanted to make Gluten Free Clean Eating Chocolate Chip Cookies. Anything you want to make, there is a clean eating recipe for it online, but I was having trouble find this. There were Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies, but they had sugar and butter. There were Clean Eating Chocolate Chip Cookies, but they called for a flour I didn’t have. So I made my own recipe. GASP!!!! I know, recalling my last misstep the fourth time I fucked up oatmeal cookies, just weeks before, I knew this could go terribly wrong. But it didn’t. They actually were cake-like which was fine with me because I’m not into crunchy cookies. Here’s my recipe:


Gluten Free & Clean Eating!


2 cups + 1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons gluten free all purpose flour (I used Bob’s Red Mill)

1 teaspoon xanthan gum (found next to gluten free flour, makes it stick together in oven)

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 cup coconut oil room temp

1/2 cup honey

3/4 cup maple syrup minus 3 table spoons (just put it back, this is science)

2 eggs beaten (cage free, please)

1 table spoon pure vanilla extract.

8 ounces your choice chocolate chip (gluten free, carob, cacao, or maybe nuts instead?)


Mix all dry ingredients.

Add coconut oil, honey, maple syrup, vanilla and blend.

Mix in eggs and beat.

Dough will be sticky! Fold in choco chips, cover and place in fridge for 30 mins.

Preheat oven to 320 degree and play Scramble with Friends until ready.

Cover a cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Spoon 2 inch-ish plops of dough onto cookie sheet about 1 inch or more apart.

Bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden brown.

Remove from oven, cool for 5 mins or just go ahead and risk the mouth burn.




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