Fashion Faceoff: Early 2000s vs Now
July 29, 2014 § Leave a comment
In 2002 I may have owned, not one, but two velour tracksuits. Black and tan. You know, for the seasons. My black, more wintery duo, had a pull over top from the very fancy Express. The tan springtime number purchased at Forever 21 was far to short in the inseam. Being cheap made me prepared for any flood.
[Me in 2004, in the airport on the way to Miami for Spring Break. Totally winning.]
Before you go on judging, this was before people freely wore leggings as an acceptable bottom. There is no comfort in the crotch of ladies jeans. We want to wear pajamas and we want to wear them now! We want to wear them in public! Everyday if we want!
The college girls of 2014 have the best fashion to choose from. I know because I frequently brunch in LA. If you want to know what new fad is hot right now, go out for eggs and a mimosa on a Saturday. Fashion Show. And be fierce.
Most current trends are far too… how do I put this? Slutty. They are too slutty for a woman in her 30s participation. I don’t think girls are showing more skin now than I did at that age, it’s just in different areas.
2004 = 2014
THEN: 3 inches of lower belly between low rise jeans and baby tee = NOW: the 3 inches of upper abs between crop top and high waisted pants. (this is so unfair, my upper abs died in vain because of this)
THEN: my jeans are so flared it looks like I’m floating = NOW: my jeans are so skinny they might be painted on
THEN: Thong showing every time you bend over in low rise cut offs = NOW: butt cheeks every time you walk in high waisted shorts.
THEN: Too tight baby tee with the neck cut out = NOW: too big man’s tee with giant arm holes cut out and an open back
Gorgeous hair is the best revenge. -Ivana Trump
Things I said in 2004:
“I really want to dye just one streak of my hair lime green.”
“I want, like real, chunky highlights.”
“Short choppy layers, all over and then straighten it for four hours.”
“I’ll be super fast, I’ll just scrunch my hair.”
“I’ll just pull down the whisps in the front. I can’t take it out, I have ponytail dent.”
“I iron it straight with a real iron. I don’t care if it’s bad for it, its the only thing that works.”
Things I say Now:
“I’m going really natural, nothing crazy.”
“belly-age? Ohm-le? That thing were it looks like I already have roots so I don’t have to come back for 6 months.”
“I can’t do pixie faux hawk, but the bob is back, right?”
“That hippy head band thing, it’s a commitment. Worse than ponytail dent”
“I want to grow it so long. I want a hair bra. Mermaid style”
“I heard shampooing is SO bad for your hair.”
Coco Chanel said to always take off one accessory before you leave the house and no one listened to her.
2004 = 2014
THEN: trucker hats in winter = NOW: felt floppy hats in summer
THEN: Walking advertisement for Abercrombie = NOW: walking contradiction wanna-be hipster
THEN: Chokers = NOW: thirty million wrap bracelets (honestly, who has the time?)
THEN: Thong peek-a-boo = NOW: bra through a sheer top
THEN: Uggs = NOW: Tory Burch flats
THEN: platform flip flops = NOW: Sky high platforms on 6 inch spikes
Basically Wearing Pajamas
I can’t decide if people who wear full on pajamas in public have given up or living life to the fullest. As I continue my attempt to outsmart normal clothes in the name of comfort.
Things I’ve said in 2014:
“I don’t care, I’m not changing. I’ll wear sweatpants to the grocery store.”
“This tracksuit is so cute, so soft, and if I wear jewelry, I can totally go out in it.”
“These jeans have spandex in them or something. They have a good flare too.”
“Yeah, but when I bend over can you see my crack out the top?”
Things I’ve said lately:
“I’m wearing athletic apparel to the grocery store, but I didn’t work out today. And I’m not going to.”
“This jumper is two seams away from footie pajamas and I look super dressed up.”
“Why would I wear jeans when I can wear leggings?”
“Yeah, but when I bend over can you see my crack through the fabric?”
Things that never change
We can agree on showing a little bra or a strap only its a an awesome color and never if it’s nude.
Trendy is the last stage before tacky.
Don’t do crack.