Pumpkin Spice Lattes… PSL

October 7, 2014 § Leave a comment

I really do adore Autumn. October is a pretty solid month. I enjoy the fall produce and taking part in Halloween activities. I like feeling the season change on my skin, and the Indian summer easing the chill upon us. It’s everyone else that’s really ruining things for me.

Yes, believe it. It’s October, the month that waits for no one. Why does October always seem to surprise people? Every year, “Can you believe it’s already October?!” Yes and what other month did you think came after September? October is a month made for annoying girls exclaiming stupid things. All month it’s idiocy. I blame pumpkin spice. It’s a drug for sure. The only thing I like pumpkin spice in is pie. I must be alien.

Fortunately for the boys, Football Season, Baseball Playoffs, Basketball Preseason and saving the ta-tas have the males pretty much distracted, the height of the fall ditziness goes unnoticed.

“I just love fall, gush, the colors.”

“I’m so excited to wear boots!”

“Pink, for promoting Breast Cancer.” And let me take this opportunity to remind you to think before you say things.

“We should totally go to that haunted maze, I can wear my new sweater!” 

Ugh, he didn’t get me anything for Sweetest’s Day.”

“I’m trying to hint diamond earrings for christmas.”

“Get me a grande skinny pumpkin spice latte with two splendas… You’re the best! Thank ewe!”

“I’m working out  a lot this month so I can look hot in my halloween costume. It’s like a corset top and like these boots that go over the knee, super cute and not slutty at all.”

If I read one more Facebook status involving someone’s first pumpkin latte of the season, I might have to go punch a jack-o-lantern. Really, Starbucks? I can’t believe that many people are letting a corporate coffee house mark the moment they feel the autumnal spirit for the first time. Not to mention, who the fuck cares that you paid twice the price for a latte with several squirts of pumpkin sugar? Donate last seasons designer jacket to even out your karma. Fall really is great, sure, happy about it. The seasons, they need to change, I just don’t think I’d mark it with with a prefab mix prepared by a local hipster.

Which brings me to my next point. Fall really brings out the hipsters. Their cut-off skinny jeans and barely-there tanks really had them incognito during the summer, but as soon as the wind changes, out come the skinny jeans, combat boots and bad attitudes. My internet has been out, so I’ve been frequenting coffee shops to get work done, right at the fountain of the hipsters’ life-blood. I wouldn’t even ask a hipster to watch my computer while I go to the bathroom. I’ll pack it all up and lose my seat next to the outlet before I ask hipster enjoying their organic air. It’s scary movie season… not only would they fall pale at a thief, they are too busy planning multimedia art instillation based on Paranormal Activity 4.

And there is nothing I can’t stand more than a hipster with a pumpkin spice latte. I can’t even go there. Hating the establishment, dressing like they are homeless and purchasing marked up liquid flavoring with a shot of espresso and warm milk. Suddenly I’m reminded of the upcoming election as I gripe about the unfortunate beings we share this great country with. Maybe they will be too busy with October they won’t register to vote.

Two years ago I crafted this post, with midterms coming up and Pumpkin Spiced Candles in full force, it’s all relevant. Hope you enjoy the throwback. New one for next week!

 

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